Nancy Drew in the hood, boi.

When I moved a year ago, I had to switch cell phone numbers. Since then, I have gotten some sweet texts intended for a guy named, "Jasper", who must have a number eerily similar to mine. I have since determined that Jasper is a gangsta, and may be into drugs and easy women, just from the texts I've been sent accidentally. This latest text gives me an additional piece of information: Jasper is an athlete. Behold:

"In my bast Randy with 8 A's impression "the jerseys have arrived, the jersseys have arrived" and they are nastyyyyyy numbers on the shorts an err thing, get at me"

This is verbatim. Fun fact: Despite having a booty that would rival the ghetto-est of girls in the hood, I am the whitest girl on the block. By a LOT. However, a little piece of me has always wanted to be a translator, so here goes: So far I understand that Randy has joyously retrieved the jerseys (8 of them perhaps?), and they are FANTASTIC because they even have numbers on the shorts. Also, the texter would like Jasper to respond promptly.

My sleuthing skills have therefore deduced that Jasper plays basketball, yo.

I responded with, "Wrong number boi".

IT'S FRIDAY BIZNATCH