Saturday, July 18, 2009

big changes..

I'm moving. Relocating. Changing addresses. I'm transplanting myself 3 hours away from the school I've attended for the last 4 years, the island I've come to know and love, and my dear boyfriend of just under a year.

Deep down I know it's a good decision, a smart career move, and one that will bring personal growth in many different ways. I wish I hadn't made the decision quite so hastily (even though the outcome may have been the same) for a few different reasons. I have been through a broad expanse of emotions in the past month, ranging from elation at attaining a position so soon after graduation, to grief over losing the lifestyle I have become accustomed to. I'm going to miss having my boyfriend pick me up after work every day.. my dear roommates to eat junk food and watch movies with, coffee with good friends here, giving directions to tourists, the quaint Victoria Row.. and all of this is going to be hard to adjust to. On the other hand, I'm glad for a new season in my life, one which will challenge and stretch me to develop a new social network, to explore a new city, and to learn new job skills. I will also (hopefully!) develop my budgeting skills, so that I can visit this lovely Island (and my main man) on a fairly frequent basis.

That being said, I'm still uneasy about moving. I've accepted the position, there's no going back, but I still haven't fully accepted the reality of what that will look like. I'm not sure I realize what it will mean to be 3 hours away from a man that has become so close to me, knows me before I even open my mouth, is there for me to drive me places, listen to my rants, and mop up my tears. He's been my shoulder to cry on for months now, and especially these past few weeks.. and I'm the one who wants to move.

Deep down, I know this is for the best.

So why does it hurt so bad?