Tuesday, February 3, 2009

thoughts of a new year.

Has it really been six months since I've posted? It's unbelievable how time passes, even when we think we're paying attention.

The last time I posted, I was singing the single song (how's that for an alliteration), and I can honestly tell you that I was very content in that moment. I've always been one to enjoy quiet time alone, and I have no problem with spending an evening (or three) alone. I find that when I am surrounded by people, I find it necessary to escape, even for a few minutes, to collect myself and remain grounded. That being said, I have this intriguing mix of loving attention and being in the middle of it (as I'm sure many will tell you), but this need to pull away and be on my own.

How does this interesting mix fit into a relationship? You would think that it would be difficult for me to open up to someone, when I have this need to be alone. Having entered into a relationship this past fall has taught (and re-taught) me things about myself. Sometimes I have the opposite problem - falling too hard and opening up too quickly. I worry that it may cause me hurt, as I have a hard time keeping myself guarded in the excitement of a new relationship. I trust quickly, and give a lot away emotionally, which - while allowing me to draw closer to someone very quickly - has the potential to hurt me a lot if the relationship ever fails.

Balance really is the key to everything we do - eating, exercising, working, playing. I believe the same can be said for relationships; it is necessary to give of yourself and work towards sharing who you are with another person; however, it must be done on an appropriate timeline, or you risk hurting yourself, or the other person. That being said, what is an "appropriate timeline"? I don't have one, apparently..

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