Monday, January 4, 2010

peeevish.

My #1 pet peeve about women is panty lines.

Now, I'm trying to not get all self righteous here, because heavens knows I leave the house in some atrocious outfits. However, even if I leave the house in boots, sweatpants, and a puffy jacket, you can be assured that I will NEVER have a panty line.

Ladies, thongs were invented for a reason. Let's be honest, no one's butt actually looks good in just a thong, unless you have a butt like this (skip ahead to 1:05.. Karl likes her behind so much he replays the exact same clip at 3:49 and 3:55.. don't ask me how I noticed this). They were invented so the public is never subjected to the atrocity that is squishy 4 cheeks.

I bought my first thong when I was 13, a boring grey thing from Zellers (sexy, I know). I was sweating, alone, in the line up, trying not to look the girl cashier in the eye (heaven FORBID if it has been a guy.. I would have hurriedly swapped it for a chocolate bar at the last second), mortified that someone I knew would come swooping through, "HI RACHAEL! How are you? What are you... aaah.. oh!" and the heat from my face would fry us all.

There are even headbands for your cooch so you can avoid the possibility of ever showing lines over your hips.. this beauty is called a "C string", and when bystanders were polled, more than a few of them I'm sure actually put this thing on their heads thinking that's what it was for.

MY POINT IS God made Spanx for a reason. Get some. Or get looser pants. Wear a headband on your crotch. Go commando. Just, for everyone else's sake, fix it.

1 comment:

  1. I have never heard of the "c-string"!! So weird...

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