lovable disasters

"Take these broken wings
And learn to fly again
Learn to fly so free.."


I had a good discussion with my roommate the other day (we have a lot of those!). I can't help but see that we, as human race, are a broken people.

I looked around my church the other day, and I felt full of emotion.. not sad, not happy.. enlightened, I guess. I felt that for the first time, I understood what it was like to live, to really be human. We're all broken, busted pieces of work. We're constantly striving and working and exhausting ourselves trying to appear put together, and, more often than not, we're able to keep the mask in place just long enough for everyone to think we're doing alright. But when we are able to let the mask slip, when we're able to be open with each other and say, "No, I'm not alright, I'm falling apart.." and that's okay.. that is a glorious thing. When we're not afraid to be real with each other.. when we are able to identify as a broken people, that's an incredible thing.

What's more wonderful is when we look around at each other, this mosaic of shattered pieces, and see each other working towards becoming whole again. I love progress.. I love being part of other people's lives, the exciting things, the dirty things, the joyous things, the messed up disaster things.. we are a community of disasters just trying to keep it together. I LOVE that!

I just looked up "disaster" in an online thesaurus.. and one of the definitions was "unholy mess". How appropriate..

what?

So apparently there's a former crystal meth user out there who'se suing her former drug dealer for damages. ..what?

"A Biggar woman who went into a coma after taking crystal meth is suing the drug dealer who allegedly sold her the drug."

(See http://www.cbc.ca/canada/saskatchewan/story/2005/10/26/meth-lawsuit051026.html for the rest of the story).

I understand that what happened to this woman was very serious. She went into a coma and almost died at age 19. Not ever having been addicted to drugs, I have no idea what she went through, nor do I ever have the desire to. Because of that reason, I'm unsure I have the ability to accurately comment on the situation.. but, of course I'm going to, because this wouldn't be much of a blog then, would it?

At what point do we have to make people accountable for their actions? A judge named Stephen Labow from Toronto interviewed about this story said, "My initial reaction is it seems ludicrous to me...What kind of court system are we going to have if suddenly there are hundreds of cases where people who are breaking the law are then asking for some kind of recompense, even though they've committed an offense they know is an offense?"

I agree with Judge Labow. This is a waste of time for lawyers and judges, and a waste of our tax dollars. Speaking of tax dollars, Ms. Bergen spent time in the hospital, a Canadian hospital, which meant that the rest of us Canadians were paying for her medical expenses as a result of her actions (I'm assuming she had some kind of medical insurance). I understand that there has to be some sort of forgiveness and mercy shown to drug addicts, because we're all a fallen people, but shouldn't she be grateful that there was a bed and a doctor available to look after her in her time of need, instead of seeking $50,000 in damages as a result of her own actions? This world just doesn't make any sense.

Any thoughts?

thought.

It kind of defeats the purpose to eat three packages of Christie Thinsations (100 calories a package!) at a time.

simple pleasures.

I'm home for the weekend. And it is good.

I realize that there is joy in the small things, and even though I knew that before, I'm starting to realize just how much I appreciate them. Here's a small list from the week past:

- sleeping in a warm queen sized bed with a fantastic mattress
- Tom Horton's coffee with a friend
- riding the bus from Ch'town to Truro, and having it only take 3.5 hours instead of six (no transfer in Moncton! Woohoo!)
- watching movies with Mom
- shopping with Mom
- talking with Mom (..I love my Mom, ok?)
- spontaneous dancing
- a clean kitchen
- warm clothing
- not having to pay to wash clothes
- listening to Christmas music two months early
- the smell of a crisp fall morning
- the smell of Mom baking cookies
- take out Chinese food
- being inspired by the actions of close friends

..and that's only from this week! Life really is a beautiful thing. Let's milk it, okay?

what do i want?

Please permit me to indulge in a completely selfish train of thought for the next few minutes.

I watched the movie Blue Crush last night. I absolutely love that movie.. and not for it's fantastic screen play, stellar acting, or celeb heavy cast - for in fact, it most definitely lacks all of those things. I love it because it is so far removed from the life I am living right now. I would love to drop everything and move to a shack on the beach in Hawaii, and surf all the time, and look tanned and buff like those girls. That's pretty much my dream. Unfortunately, I can't, because I am committed to finishing this degree by April 2009, and to be responsible and act grown up. I digress.

At one point in the movie, at the height (if this movie has a height) of this movie's intense dialogue, the main character is talking to her bf about her life. She's confused, and he's trying to help sort her out as best he knows how. So he asks her, "I mean, what do you want?" and she responds,

"What do I want? Oh my god.. I want Penny to quit smoking and to go to college. I want.. I want to be able to pay the phone, and the electricity and the rent all in the same month; I want a girl to be on the cover of surf magazine.. and that would be great if that girl were me, but any girl would do. And I want.. I mean I wish my mom would come home. And I really, really want to win Pipemasters tomorrow. That’s what I want."

If that doesn't make sense, you should probably invest two hours of your time and watch the movie. You'lll thank me.

I really feel, as selfish as the statement "I want" is, that unless you establish what you want in life, it's hard to be focused and strive towards a goal. I'm not sure how God's will for my life fits into this equation; I'm still working on that one. I've been thinking about what I want, and here's the list I've come up with:

- I want to finish this Honours degree with a research project that I am proud of, and that will advance chemistry research in some way, shape, or form.
- I want to work on my time management skills.. aka less procrastinating.
- I want to critically assess where and when I spend money, and figure out where I can save.. I am in university, after all!
- I want to improve my fitness level, stay healthy, get enough sleep to enjoy and get the most out of every day, and be proud of the body I have been given.
- I want to be an inspiration to those around me.
- and I want to go to Florida on spring break!

Yes, it is a selfish list, but I'm in a selfish time, and part of me thinks that's alright. I have this time now that I'm single, I don't have kids, I'm young, and it's socially acceptable for me to think only about myself right now. So be it!! Let's live this life!!

slow me down.

This song is the new release from a new young artist named Emmy Rossum. She played Christine Daae in the movie version of Phantom of the Opera a few years ago, and has a beautiful classical voice. Personally, I feel that this song does not do her voice justice, but in it's overproduced, Imogen Heap feel, I absolutely love it.

The lyrics in this song just get me.. I've been feeling this way recently, and I think that's why I like the song so much.. it's so easy to get caught up in the busyness of this world, and to forget my purpose in doing all that I'm doing. I hope and pray that I don't miss opportunities to love people becausse I'm facing the other way..



rushing and racing and running in circles
moving so fast I’m forgetting my purpose
blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
getting nowhere

my head and my heart are colliding chaotic
pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
try to appear like I’ve got it together
I’m falling apart

save me
somebody take my hand and lead me
slow me down
don’t let love pass me by
just show me how
cause I’m ready to fall

slow me down
don’t let me live a lie
before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

sometimes I fear that I might disappear
in the blur of fast forward I falter again
forgetting to breathe
I need to sleep
I’m getting nowhere

all that I’ve missed I see in the reflection
pass me while I wasn’t paying attention
tired of rushing, racing and running
I’m falling apart

tell me
oh won’t you take my hand and lead me
slow me down
don’t let love pass me by
just show me how
cause I’m ready to fall

slow me down
don’t let me live a lie
before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down
just show me
I need you to slow me down
slow me down
slow me down

the noise of the world is getting me caught up
chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
just need to breathe
somebody please
slow me down

uterus.

Fourteen Reasons to Love My Uterus:
An Ode to the Misunderstood and Underappreciated Female Organ.

1. You are small, but mighty.
2. You are an incubator for new life.
3. You are stubborn.
4. Once a month, I am reminded that I am unarguably and unchangeably (although I guess that’s debateable) female.
5. You make me appreciate my mother.
6. You allow me to be a mother.
7. Your kind have the ability to turn the most aggressive, steel-willed, icy-eyed business woman into a weepy, chocolately mess at least once a month.
8. Your kind carry within you strength that can transform even the smallest, most complacent woman into a screaming samurai warrior with the power of breaking bones and shattering many an eardrum.
9. Your kind have the power to topple the tallest, bravest men with one solid contraction.
10. Your kind have brought many a genius into the world: Einstein, Edison, Bach, Descartes…
11. …and also many a disaster: Stalin, Hitler, Bush, and Stronach.. but you, dear uteri, you don’t judge; you allow everyone a fair chance at life.
12. You are mysterious. Men will never understand your wily ways.
13. You are frightening. Men will never WANT to understand your wily ways.
14. You are inescapable, indescribable, kind of ugly, and downright confusing.

You are my uterus.